I had a dream the other night that I was lost in the woods. I was by myself, no cell phone, no backpack, nothing. I was alone and standing there, unsure of where to go. I vividly remember the area being so full of vegetation it made it almost impossible to see much beyond where I was standing. The air that swirled around me was cool and I could faintly feel a warmth on my shoulders from the sun’s rays. I suddenly realized that I was breathing heavy, as if I had been running and then suddenly come to a stop. The strange thing about it was that when I looked down I wasn’t standing on a path nor was there even one around me. I was just there, in the woods, without direction of any kind. Where was I supposed to go? How was I supposed to get home? How did I even come into this predicament in the first place? I suddenly panicked. I could feel the sheer terror rising as if from my toes all the way up to my chest. Every thought of what could possibly go wrong began to run through me, what if I don’t make it out before dark, what if I happen upon a bear, what if I hurt myself who will help me, or worse, what if I never make it out at all? The cool air threw a shiver down my spine but I wondered if it was really just nerves. I took a deep breath and I whispered to myself, “Don’t panic.”. I knew I needed to stay calm and be positive that I WOULD find my way out, somehow. I reminded myself, most importantly, that I couldn’t stay where I was. As if I had just been listening to someone else’s reassurance I nodded my head in agreement.
So, I moved.
Since every way seemed to look eerily similar I picked a direction at random and began to place my feet, one in front of the other. It became a constant game of eyeing my sneakers to avoid tripping over unknown terrain as well as looking out in front of me to avoid crashing into trees. I began to feel some sort of comfort in my ability to move at a steady pace that if anyone had been observing they might have thought I knew where I was going.
But I never made it out. I woke up suddenly to a startling ring coming from my phone alarm.
After I silenced it, I laid there rethinking what had just happened. It was so fresh in my mind that I could still feel my feet moving steadily forward and the cool air rushing past my face. It was as if I was still there, in the woods, alone and lost.
But I wasn’t in the woods nor was I really lost.
In fact, I was just living.
I realized in that moment what my dream symbolized. It wasn’t about me having a nightmare that I couldn’t find my way home. It was just about me, moving forward, into the unknown, no path, no direction, just moving. It was about me trusting the direction I choose to go even if I’m not really sure of where I’ll end up. It was about me believing and never losing hope that I will find what I’m meant to. It was about me knowing that just because I was lost in that very moment and all seemed hopeless that it wasn’t the end. It was about me realizing I am deserving of so much more than anything I’ve left behind. About me never allowing myself to settle in a moment if I don’t feel truly happy. More specifically, walking away from anything that doesn’t make me whole.
It truly WAS about walking. Walking away and letting go of what was…even if it means walking toward uncertainty.
I continued to lay there, thinking over and over about that dream. Replaying it on a loop in my head. In that same moment I placed my hand over my chest to feel my heart beating with an even, gentle pulse beneath my palm. As I did, I took a deep breath, letting the air escape from mouth and whispered as if to anyone else who might be listening, “Keep going, you can let go.”
And so, I did.
Blueberry Crumble Muffins
Makes: 12 muffins/ Prep time: 10 minutes/ Bake time: 25-30 minutes
- 6 tbsp unsalted butter, chopped (I used Kerry Gold grass-fed unsalted butter)
- 1/2 c raw organic honey
- 2 large organic eggs
- 2 c gluten-free all purpose baking flour (I used Bob’s Red Mill GF 1:1)
- 1/2 c unsweetened almond milk (can sub another non-dairy milk)
- 2 tsp baking powder
- 1 1/2 c fresh blueberries
- 1/3 c gluten-free oats
- 2 tbsp raw organic honey
- 1/4 tsp cinnamon
- 1/4 tsp nutmeg
- Preheat oven to 350F. Line a muffin pan with paper liners and set aside.
- In either a stand mixer or using a hand mixer, beat the butter and honey on medium speed until combined.
- Add the eggs and continue to mix on medium until thoroughly incorporated.
- In a separate small bowl, whisk together the flour and baking soda.
- Continuing to mix on medium speed, add half of the flour mixture to the egg, butter and sugar then add half of the milk. Allow it to mix completely before adding in the remaining flour and then the remaining milk. Continue to beat until no lumps remain.
- Gently fold in the blueberries to prevent crushing them. Set batter aside.
- In a small bowl combine the topping ingredients and mix to create a crumble.
- Scoop out the batter and fill each muffin cavity 2/3 of the way to the top and top with a teaspoon of the crumble. Repeat for each.
- Bake muffins for 25-30 minutes until lightly golden brown and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.
Nutrition: (per muffin) 194 cal/ 7g fat/ 30g carbs/ 9g sugar/ 3g protein